The Terrible Reign Of The Blue Banana Vs Everyone Else On The Planet
by MJCABOo
Summary: i kinda just wrote this took me three days enjoy. also easier to call it (T.T.R.O.B.B.V.E.E.O.T.P.)


General ironwood was sipping his coffee when he heard a rush of footsteps "SIR!" the soldiers who had run into his office snapped off a crisp salute "subject B.B. has escaped" a man in Teal said

"Well we might as well contact him now" The General replied

"already here" said a new voice "so what's the dealo dudes" he said

"it has happened B.B. has escaped" Ironwood said

"Yeah I was making small talk pretty _**GENERAL**_ term if I do say myself" Replied he pulled out his scroll "ooh **much** more interesting" he said

"what is it?" asked Ironwood

"new contract" the guy said

"Ok what is it" Ironwood asked

"A girl has been kidnapped" he said like it was the most normal thing

"who?" The General asked

"Ruby Rose age 15 goes to beacon academy lives on patch with her father and sister. Mother died when she was three" he said  
"Oh Qrow's niece" said Ironwood

"Yeah that one I think the B.B. was behind it" the guy said

"well John I hope you have a good time fighting evil dudes" Ironwood said

"That's uncharacteristically chill man" John said with a shrug "just make sure you don't break any laws" Ironwood said  
"That's the way!" John said as he left waving with his left hand

 _ **-classified location time also classified whether or not this bar is classified that's classified-**_

John walked up to the building he smashed down a wall with _Ranger_ a large bowie knife that could send out short wave dust attacks. The first thing he noticed was the blue armoured guards with Cheap Dust Rifles and they fired them at him he dodged behind a rock and rolled into a blonde with shot-gun gauntlets "Who are you?" she asked picking him up by the collar raising her fist

"A contracted mercenary here to save someone" John the girl dropped him "Oh sorry I'm Yang" she said rubbing the back of her head "John" he said clear and concise  
"Last name?" Yang asked John took a deep breath in

"SECRET DOOBY BA DA DING A DOO DOO DOOP IT'S A SECRET!" he said well he would've but didn't just outright saying it "Stone" he picked up Ranger and loaded a Stone dust cartridge in it walked back into the Building the Guards all stood up and got their guns ready he stood there he dropped his knife his eyes flashed a deep dark purple then he ran at them he ripped off one their heads and beat them to death with it then threw at another guy knocking his gun out of his hands then picked up Ranger and threw it at him turning him to stone John yanked Ranger out of him turning the man into dust killing him he loaded a fire cartridge in and pointed it at a locked door firing a burst of fire into it unhinging it he heard B.B. shout "OH MY GOD THIS GUY!" John reached down and picked up a rifle and strode into the room there he saw B.B. in a room a girl in a cage he pointed it at B.B. "Stand down" he shouted B.B. fired off several blue rays John dodged all of them "Holy Shit" he panted, John realised who he was fighting and began to mix attacks of Ranger and the Rifle when B.B. started talking "Oh I hate people like you always stopping me and that!" he fired off several blue and red rays one hit John in the chest sending him flying Ruby rattled her cage another guy walked into the room wearing a emerald cape a Cyan shirt and military grey pants "sup Silas" said John

"I still don't care what is up" he said

"I was making Small Talk!" John shouted at him

"Heh yeah I know so was I" Silas replied

"I hate you" John sneered

"oh sure you do" he said

"just as long as it isn't Noah we are safe" John said they both agreed Noah would make a pass at Ruby "Man that hurt" he said looking at B.B. "Hey there Blue Banana I hope you _**PEEL**_ remorse for that" he smirked "you know I really think that you better have a…... Shit I ran out of Banana Puns well it was always going to end like this, Two dudes standing over a Banana aiming guns at it and firing" he said as he strode over to Ruby's cage and pulling out Ranger pointing at Ruby and making a poking gesture "So wanna say why Miss Rose is here?" John asked B.B.

"F#ck you guys!" B.B.

"whatever Blue Banana" John said as he Nodded to Silas

"now if you come with us" Silas said in his Calm tone "We can come to an agreement" as he said this B.B. changed into the shape of John and started making offensive gestures John noticed

"I do not do that!" he shouted pointing at B.B. "At least I'm not a Banana"

"You know literally being a banana may have some weird effects on your physical and mental state" Silas stated

"Thank you!" shouted John who had just saved Ruby from her cage "Could you leave please your sister is outside" Ruby nodded and left quickly "now banana boy" he said as sat down next to the non-cuffed B.B. "tell us who sprang you and we'll" gesturing between him and Silas "will go back and tell Mr. Ironwood that you got away just barely after stabbing me in the leg and before you say you didn't do that" he pulled out Ranger and stabbed himself in the leg "Ok sound good?" he asked B.B.

"I got freed by a girl called Lucy Fur" B.B. said

"cool now shrink and go away" he said as he waved away B.B.

"we got a mole to fix" he said "and you can't just get it cut off it's one of those really annoying ones that take really long to remove" B.B. ran away "sorry for stealing all the talking Silas"

"Eh you have more luck with people" Silas shrugged

"well that's true" John agreed they both started laughing and walked out they saw a sight that would be etched into their minds for the next week Yang and Ruby being held at gunpoint by two masked peeps "Oh come the F#CK ON!" John shouted "I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING!" he screamed

"Givee uss da Keey oar wheel keel the gurls" said the one on the left john reached into his pocket and pulled out a key and chucked it into the air pulled out a Rifle from earlier and shot the one holding Yang which recoiled hard sending him flying into a wall. Silas pulled out a pistol and pulled the trigger which started a special feature which meant his weapon transformed into its next form Great sword mode

"Heh what does that do?" said one of the guards

"glad you asked" said Silas "It's like a laser pointer"

"uh huh" said the Enemy

"That laser points things into oblivion!" he shouted as a barrel extended green glowing all over his weapon as he grinned he shouted

 **"VS TRAINER SILAS** "Silas shouted as he pointed it at the man holding Ruby charging it "BLAMO!" as a laser shot out of it killing the man and singing Ruby's cape "SOOO COOL!" she screamed and Yang nodded thinking it was cool but she was more focused on John who was taking on three guys with his fists and a knife he stuck the knife in one guy pushed him to the side "Hold that will you?" he flipped onto another guy "That's so _**KNIFE**_ of you" he leapt over the guy with the knife lined it up and kicked his back sending the knife into another guy's throat killing him John shouted at Silas "Can you stop showing off I would love it if you helped me" he screamed as he fired his stolen rifle into the heart of another guy "scratch that I did it!" he said there was only two people left they both cracked their knuckles the one on the left said "Hey Buddy I'm gonna beat you to death with your own skull"

"I highly doubt that" said John

"That seems not physically possible" said Silas

"That's just what the last guy said!" said the one on the right

"Ok well let's…" John said pausing for added coolness "Tango" he said spinning on the spot changing from his usual attire into a tux with wrist guns spinning and dancing while firing shots at them with guns mounted on his wrists all the while singing I Burn to a Funky jazz tune he landed on his feet raising his hands to the sky "ALL I NEED IS ULTIMATE POWER" he screamed spinning and changing into armour similar to that of a Leonard Church and using a sniper rifle while singing Blood Gulch Blues "My car **IS** like a puma though" said Silas frowning remembering the time when he let John design his own car and he gave it to Silas he stopped dancing a big fog appeared he appeared in his normal clothes "Big Finale!" he shouted he sung Fallout Boy: Centuries, Yang thought to herself _'this guy is really weird and eccentric'_

As he finished his song he pointed his finger at the two remaining hostiles "So you're going to lose and your friends and teammates are potatoes hey you know what they say when life gives you potatoes you make Potato salad and I got just the recipe HIT IT _Buckle your pants! Buckle, buckle your pants!  
Pull up your socks and dance! (Whoo!)  
Buck buck, BUCK BUCK, buckle your pants  
Bucka bucka, bucka bucka, buckle your pants  
Buckle your pants, buckle buckle your pants  
Hey, I said dance (Yahoo!)  
Buck buck, BUCK BUCK, buckle your pants  
Bucka bucka, bucka bucka, buckle your pants (Whoo!)  
Ladies! (Yeah?) buckle your pants  
Gentlemen (What? Yeah...) buckle your pants  
Boys and girls of all ages (Yaheeee!) buckle your pants  
Or they might fall down! (hmbrbrbrbr)  
Hey you, buckle your pants  
Yes you, buckle your pants (brrruckabuckabuckabucka)  
Everybody, buckle your pants  
But if you don't want to (NO!)  
That's fine (WRONG!)  
Buckle your pants, buckle your pants  
Buckle your pants  
Or your pants will fall to the ground  
Buckle your pants  
Just buckle them babies nice and tight please  
Buckle your pants, ah buckle your pants  
ah buck buck buck buck buckle your pants  
Buckle your pants, ah buckle your pants  
ah buck buck buck buck buckle your pants  
Buckle your pants, ah buckle your pants  
ah buck buck buck buck buckle your pants  
Bunh ya panz, buh ya pazz  
bruhckle ya panz, a bruhckle ya panz, a bruh bruh bruh bruh_ _  
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba_ " he sung long and hard Silas made a buckling motion behind him. The two sisters had no idea what they were trying to do and got really concerned but then they started singing Ruby turned to Yang "Yang are we going to die?" she asked

"No they are planning something" Yang told her sister.

After that last song the two enemies where on the breaking point they just wanted out his voice so good couldn't commit suicide, once it was over they both pulled out pistols and shot themselves "Heh I told I could make someone commit suicide Silas" John smirked

"That doesn't count I helped" Silas said

"Only on that last one" John retaliated

"That is just it Arguing to the end huh" Silas said

"Oh Ruby, Yang I hope you know where you live cos we are not going to be deliver you" John said

"so you two gonna be okay" asked Yang

"Yeah we'll be attending Beacon soon" said Silas

"Hey that's where we're going!" shouted Ruby as she did a dark and menacing figure on a balcony three blocks away turned into the evil BLUE BANANA! ( **This is not racist)** "Soon my banana age will fall!" he shouted he turned and entered the warehouse to inspect his minions they had finished their synthetic banana suits because they were not from Banana Land.

*Next Day*

Silas was making sure his stuff was still in working order after he saw John walk into his area flopping over a bit "Man you should try BEER it is amazing!" John slurred

"Ok hit me can't be that bad" Silas gave in john threw a beer at Silas who caught it and drunk it "Ugh I feel sick" Silas "Didn't ask you to drink it all" John said as Silas puked on the floor "eh maybe it's not your thing, BUT now we know that!" John said "Maybe you should sleep it off?" said John

*22 Years Later*

She was leaning on the Bar asking for another drink when someone came and pat her on the back "Miss Rose?" she asked "Oh hey Grace" Ruby said groggily "How goes the whole Parents dead thing you got going?" Ruby asked

"I came here for a reason miss" Said Grace

"why's that" Asked Ruby

"I've found one of them" Grace said happily Ruby perked up "Who?" Ruby asked

"Mr. Stone and Ms Xiao-long" she said Ruby just sat there "where are they?" Ruby asked she was close to seeing Yang again "Patch"

*Present Day*

Silas and John missed their chance to get on the airship… On purpose they went on the Wagon of Truth a crappy airship that had Giant Speakers they blazed Can't Trust anybody now all the way to beacon and when they got there they crashed onto the courtyard the Wagon of Truth was still operable so they jammed out sick tunes until the airship came near they went max volume and played Buckle Your Pants.

*on the airship*

"Yang what is that" asked Ruby

"OH NO" shouted Yang it was Those two she looked out the window and saw them next to a crashed airship and she could hear Buckle Your Pants then it changed to Silas's Theme (This will be the day Magical Girl Remix) Ruby and Yang agreed that this song was pretty cool. Ruby noticed a girl had her hand on the window and looked down on Silas she let a tear fall down her face "No Silas why" she said

*Back with the Smartest person and the Idiot*

"I AM THE KING OF THE SQURRIELS" shouted John with a bottle of beer in one hand raising a glass to the Airship "halleluiah" he shouted at the airship he got politely pulled to the side by Silas "Where did you get that?" he asked

"Places" John responded and then he passed out drunk and was picked up Silas he sighed it was going to be a long day

*22 years later*

Ruby ran man did she run she ran from Vale all the way to patch when she arrived to the island she saw a large wall with a camera and a gate she looked to the left and right and saw another gate five miles down on either side she walked up to the gate and pressed what looked like a doorbell "hello who is that" a voice said as the camera turned to face Ruby "Simply amazing" it said "extraordinary" the voice seemed happy "Miss Rose I am the A.I. known as Z.W.E.I. but you can call me Zwei I was named after your old dog!" Zwei said

"A.I.?" contemplated Ruby "what's the A stand for?" she asked "artificial" Zwei said

"What's the I stand for?" she asked Zwei

"Intelligence" said a voice Ruby barely recognized

"Yang?" Ruby asked as a man dressed in grey appeared behind "You have some explaining to do" he said

"John please don't intimidate my sister" said Yang

"Come on its fun plus she deserves it" John pleaded

"Why?" asked Ruby

"You left" Said John opening the door and shoving Ruby in she was back at her home back to Patch "You know I can always convince Yang to let me hurt you" John said

"But I didn't know how could I know" Ruby pleaded

"What that the people who you were trying to help ended up almost dead? Oh please you knew this was gonna happen you let it happen this everything is your fault! Sometimes I wish I left you for dead in that warehouse" John said simply and walked into the building that Ruby once called home Yang came out behind her was two little boys one was six the other was nine. John followed shortly grabbing something from indoors the four walked over to Ruby "So what's new" Yang asked

"Well nothing much, so you have children" said Ruby

"Yeah well at least I know where the person I love is" said Yang in retaliation "even if you knew were Weiss was you couldn't even have children" said John

"This is Leonard Church he was born about nine years ago" said Yang pointing at the Oldest of the two

"and this fellow is Michael J Caboose" pointing at the younger one

"He was also found outside the wall" said John

"He sounds a lot like Oobleck when he talks" said Yang

"Side note Leonard sounds like your father" said John a loud boom was heard and Caboose held a small rifle and Church was one the ground Ruby was shocked

"I HELPED CHURCH!" shouted Caboose

"GOD DAMN IT CABOOSE!" shouted Church as he appeared as a ghost behind his corpse he walked in it. Ruby guessed this was his semblance. She noticed an emerald flag next to a framed Gambol Shroud

*Present Day*

During the assembly everyone was quiet until Ozpin said one simple Sentence "Will the Strongest students step forward" a large swarm of people went to the back of the room and Silas, John, Weiss Schnee, Prryha Nikos, Ruby Rose and Jaune Arc

"ok pair up" Ozpin said Silas and John vs Weiss and Ruby vs Prryha and Jaune arc.

- **THE FIRST REAL CONFLICT-**

Next time MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA ( **I am evil :D)**


End file.
